I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She's JV to your varsity
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
