Dude my mom stole all your condoms
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
