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• (925): View more from California

  I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.

  (713): View more from Texas

  Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...

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• (209): View more from California

  I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator

  (954): View more from Florida

  you didnt stop her?

  (305): View more from Florida

  too entertaining

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray

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• (713): View more from Texas

  He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes

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• (+64): View more from New Zealand

  You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  how did operation slutty penguin go?

  (619): View more from California

  pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter

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• (830): View more from Texas

  I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.

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