my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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