We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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