Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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