Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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