Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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