wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
