I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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