Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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