Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize