Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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