I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
