apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize