We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
