its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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