I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
