He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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