I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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