My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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