3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
