This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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