It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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