So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
