You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
