I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
