And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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