ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
