i'm lost and i look like a hooker
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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