I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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