Porn is love you can see.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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