areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
