I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
