Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
