He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
