At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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