For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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