$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
