It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
please come you make the beer taste better
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
