i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
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