i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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