escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
