Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
