Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
