I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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