Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize