If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize