I wish I could teleport
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
