a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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