I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
