i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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