just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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