Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
if only i could text you this smell
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
