Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize