We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize