So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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