party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i barfeds in our rink
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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