It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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