Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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