i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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